Bell Let's Talk: Cancer and Work

Yesterday was Bell Let’s Talk Day. It is a day to raise awareness about mental health and encourage people to talk about what’s bothering them and get the help they need.

Last year, I wrote an Instagram post about how you don’t need to stay at a company that doesn’t value your mental and emotional health. I also wrote about how happy I was that I felt like I was working for a company that finally valued my health above anything else.

What I didn’t know, was that three months after that post, my belief in that company would be challenged.

In March of 2018 I went in for a routine checkup that ended up in me needing to get examined for a possible cervical cancer threat. I was terrified but optimistic because I had all the recommended vaccinations so I thought I was good.

What I thought was going to be an initial consolation with a new doctor about the steps moving forward ended up turning into a full-blown biopsy.

It was far and away one of the most painful medical experiences I have ever had.

I didn’t plan it and didn’t have time to mentally prepare for it so it was even more of a shock to me. The invasion coupled with the intense pain made me dissolve into tears my entire way home.

I was determined to go on with my life as normal but I was terrified about the fact that I could have cancer. I was planning my wedding and getting ready for a whole new part of my life to start and all of the sudden I had this horrifying, terrible, terrifying thing hanging over my head.

I went back into work the next day with lingering physical pain and total shock. I struggled to not dissolve into tears all day. My boss noticed how distressed I was and asked if I was okay. I literally couldn’t even answer her without totally breaking down.

She took me into her office and she made me feel better and I was able to finish the day semi-normally.

Waiting for the results of the biopsy was I think one of the most mentally and emotionally exhausting periods of my life so far. It was a cloud that hung over my head every day.

I continued my life normally, but needless to say, I was a little on edge and kept to myself a lot during that time.

I finally got my diagnosis and they found pre-cancerous cells.

I needed to have an incredibly invasive surgery.

I was again, totally terrified and devastated.

I needed to wait a month before getting the surgery because they doctor didn’t have the space for me and while it was urgent, it wasn’t yet life-threatening.

During the month of April, my workplace got more and more passive aggressive.

Only two months after being told that I should expect a leadership role soon (this was before the biopsy), I was passed over for a significant promotion. I was told that I was being sullen and that I needed to be happier and worry less.

I got pulled into another one on one meeting where I was essentially told that cancer was no big deal and that my wedding was no big deal and that I should take a mental health day so I could come back happy.

I had been treated for potential CANCER. I was 25. I was getting married. I had just had the professional rug pulled out from under me seemingly because I was being treated for potential cancer and showed fear and weakness in the face of that.

I was candid with my employer about my diagnosis and fear because I thought I was working in a place where I was valued as a person first and not just a cog in the machine. But when the cards were down and I was dealing with a real medical crisis, that belief was shattered.

I got my surgery in May and after that, they told me that they got all the potentially pre-cancerous cells and everything was good.

I was still being treated like I was weak and incapable of performing my job according to ever changing standards that were never disclosed to me.

I was pulled out of the job I was hired for and shoved into a role that I had no experience and frankly no business doing.

I performed that job dutifully for a month and a half while still executing the numerous responsibilities of the role I had been pulled out of.

Knowing that I was preparing to quit as a result of us moving to Atlanta, I pulled the trigger early and when I left that building for the last time, a weight that I didn’t even know I was carrying lifted off of me.

This blog was incredibly difficult for me to write. It brought up a lot of old feelings and emotions that have since healed a lot. The point of this is not to complain about, scare, or blame anyone. The point of this blog is to tell you that you DO NOT have to stay in a job that doesn’t treat you like a human being.

Using your health as ammo to professionally punish you is not acceptable. Treating you like you are disposable is not acceptable. Treating you like you are anything less than a real person is not acceptable.

You do not have to suffer in your job. You do not have to hate your job. You do not have to let your job control your life. You do not have to feel powerless to change course.

You are strong.

You are capable.

You matter.